No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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