I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
