I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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