You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
