so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
