I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
