its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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