i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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