There was a lot of him and a little penis
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
