tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
