god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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