Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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