Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize