I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
