I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize