I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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