I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize