I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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