i can't believe i had my finger in that
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
