You smell like a Billy Joel song
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize