Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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