i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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