The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Are we still banned from the library?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
