I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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