I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
