butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
