There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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