i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Swine flu. Run for my life!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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