well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
