my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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