Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
