people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
