Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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