obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize