He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
