When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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