you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
