Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
