and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
