i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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