Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
