Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
