We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
