mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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