I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
