Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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