it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize