She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
