Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
