a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize