his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Vodka?
Forever.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
