I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I see more hoeing in ur future
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
