I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
