In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
