I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
