i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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