she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
