jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
thus making me awesome and them whores
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
