How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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