i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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