and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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