Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
