Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
