It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize