im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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