If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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