I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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