Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
