Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
