Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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