frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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