he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
