Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize