READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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