she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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