Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
