1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
