butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So many bounce houses so little time
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
