Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
