1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize