i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
