before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize