I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
