You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize