Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
