i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Found the puke drawer
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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