STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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