So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize