You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Congratulations! We have a period
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